i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
