Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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