hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
