i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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