a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.