but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
