she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.