Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.