Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.