Need sex. Gaining weight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.