I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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