one two three fourrrrnication!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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