maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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