he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is Oprah even human
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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