Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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