its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's always time for handjobs
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
