You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
