My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
