All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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