I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
