Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize