you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
