I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
