is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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