I accidentally burped into my bong.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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