as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize