I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You left your phone here
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