Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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