hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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