sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
