brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
