We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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