sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
