Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
