The best revenge is premature balding
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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