i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish my penis had a tongue
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
