It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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