I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
