"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
