dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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