The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
