Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
