OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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