When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize