suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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