cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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