Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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