I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
