I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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