I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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