shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
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omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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