I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
