someone get that fucking seahorse.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
