hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
