I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
