I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
