omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
