...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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