How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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