This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
