Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
