Jerry, you need to find god
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
