She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
