I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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