I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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