put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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