Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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