Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
