With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
