Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
