What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
