I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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