When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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