:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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