Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
