His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
