My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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